Showing posts with label Locost. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Locost. Show all posts

Fresh Air… or embrace DriveTribe because Jalopnik is LAME


As 2017 approaches I feel a breath of fresh air approaching!  We are not alone, progress can be made, there are others like us, and you are welcome here!  What the hell am I talking about?  Hear me out; things are getting better for rough-cut car guys.  There is a coming age of acceptance for men, and cars.  The environmentalists and politically correct, for once, are not winning.  Welcome 2017!

First on my front.  I finally put the A arms and hubs together and mocked the front end up for the (fake) Lotus 7 project.  Suddenly I see a car again. A car with possibilities.  I’m about two days of work from seeing the car sitting on wheels.  With 3.73 gears it should be quick off the line but not too slow at the top end.  “STOP TALKING GEARHEAD GIBBERISH!!” Ok, fair enough. I’m building a car that will probably be a death trap.  It will probably be fast.  And fun. And did I mention unsafe? Liberals will hate it.


But wait.  Let’s talk about liberals.  Trump won!  Despite every media article reporting it would never happen, despite the protests, despite feeling like I’m alone on a planet of lesbians and men that act like them (I live in Portland Oregon), we won!

And on that note I digress.  You are welcome here.  If you voted for Trump, I’d like to have a cigar and beer with you, while we sit on the back porch talking horsepower, after eating fried food, while the women stay inside because the want to talk women stuff and don’t like cigars. 

Does this sound like a stereotype?  How “man” can you be?!  No one is like this.  You should talk about your emotions, Freudian feelings, and metrosexual leanings.  The women should be just as male as you, knocking the beers and cigars back and challenging you to arm wrestle.

Bite me.

You know what Trump winning told me? That there are still real men out there. That I’m not alone in a world of skinny jeans and man-bun oils.  That there are others, outside of my group of four good friends that are similar.  That men can be men, and women can be women, dismissing any stupid notions that we must be something else, something new,  something more liberal, and in touch with our feminine side (or vice-versa).

The majority of car guys I know do not fit the metrosexual description.  We like adrenalin. We like power.  We don’t care what the Paris fashion week thinks is hip, we enjoy our race track t-shirt.  Shoes come in two types, new ones for the day-to-day and old ones for the garage.  We don’t care that its now acceptable that we, as men, can get pedicures; why the hell would we want one when in the same time and money we could add that extra four horsepower on our car or motorcycle that would give us those extra four cells of adrenaline someday?

Seen driving through Portland, what is it?!

And that leads me to this.  There is news, and there is news.  And we haven’t had options. They are all a bunch of Hillary pant suit worshiping, mall coffee drink sipping, limp-wristed spewers of insults against conservatives.  And chief among these is the car blog site Jalopnik.

Jalopnik.  It was a wonderful idea.  A team of bloggers giving me up-to-date car news.  I like cars.  I like knowing about horsepower.   People are having fun and getting adrenalin right now. Tell me how! Tell me how! TELL ME HOW!!  Maybe I can do it too.  I’m cool with stealing ideas for having fun.

And Jalopnik did give me fun.  Sometimes.  But they couldn’t help spouting off, every fourth paragraph, that they are hardcore Hillary pant-suit worshiping morons that hate my guts because I’m not a liberal.  Owned by Gawker, their news feed typically goes, “Cars… Cars… Cars… I love Hillary’s Newest Pant Suit…Conservatives Suck… Cars...  Cars... (Cycle repeats)”.

And that brings me to Drive Tribe.  It’s the new blog feed setup by the ex-Top Gear guys.  You know.  The guys that got fired for punching a producer that didn’t have warm food available after a long day of filming.  Princesses.  Yes.  They are.  But lacking politically correct decorum.  If I called Clarkson a “princess” after a few drinks we’d probably brawl.  The media would condemn us as barbarians.

But you know what?

We’d be friends.  That’s what happens after you punch each other… sometimes.  You know how many times this played out in my small town upbringing? And we grew up different.  We expressed ourselves as men, not in the shopping mall looking for/hoping for an identity.  We met each other after school, in the wooded area, to have out our differences.  And we grew up stronger.  And we relate to other men.  And we recognize women as different and bringing something into our life which we didn’t have without them.

And this is us.  We are politically incorrect.  We still believe in the concept of men.  We like building something and driving it hard.  We like banging our knuckles.  We like breaking things because we pushed them too hard. We are sick of being told we are barbarians.  We are sick of being fired because we raise or voice or suggest that there is conflict.  We are tired of being told we are a dying breed.  We are men.

And so I say, embrace Drive Tribe.  Stop going to the Jalopnik website. They are spiteful liberals hiding behind a thinly veiled love of cars.  They would never b.s. with you in the back yard through cigar haze, they’d be inside talking the newest skinny jean style.  They would condemn the idea that men should work, and women are a better fit for the day-to-day empathy the kids need.  Half of them are probably stay-at-home dads, while their wife goes to work and they write car blogs about something they saw on Youtube.


Case-in-point, my M3.  It has the flappy paddle transmission, called SMG.  The Jalopnik couch sitters say that it’s terrible almost daily.  But that’s because one of them had that opinion once (possibly) and liberals simply repeat what they hear over and over until they believe it as a mass.  The masses have never driven an SMG transmission.  It shifts fine. Don’t take my word for it, Jeremy Clarkson drove the M3 CSL, which has SMG, and was in absolute rapture with it (Season 3).  But these Jalopnik band-wagoners, never have driven it, say over and over how terrible SMG is. But they’re liberals; they are truly skilled at calling things deplorable. 

So in response, I say “Jalopnik is a bunch of liberals that only repeat what the bandwagon liberals want them to repeat.  They are mainstream media, a subset of the worthless Gawker, and they’re lame”.

That’s why I’m turning to Drive Tribe, the newly established blog feed by Clarkson and crew.  I want it to succeed.  The world needs more politically incorrect people that will tell the truth.

G.K. Chesterton wrote that it is a dangerous thing when only liars tell the truth. I feel like we are at that point.  Liberal mainstream media lie left and right, but because their counterparts are all liars themselves, they embrace each other’s lies and press forward perpetuating the lies until almost everyone believes them as true.

We, the Gearhead crew, those that still learn from experience and act like men of ages past (putting our lives at risk, experiencing adrenaline, doing things that testosterone likely plays into,  etc.), are the liars of now.  We actually live life outside the plastic safety bubble, and through our experiences we are some of the few that can cry “b.s.” because we know the media to be lying from our experiences and lessons learned.

But relax.  Trump won the election.  You are not as rare as you think.  There are other people out there that realize: 1. We need an intelligent immigration strategy, 2 Our Jobs are all going overseas,  3. Isreal is a better friend than Palestine, 4. Law enforcement protect us from thugs, and should be respected 5. We should be allowed concealed weapons to protect ourselves from thugs, 6. We need to support our troops, etc., etc., etc.

You know, those strong thoughts that are tough to develop and only men say.  The sort of things your mother would never say to you, but your father would when he told you to “Stop being a jackass, and pull your head out”.

My Christmas present T-Shirt


And that’s why I feel like there is a breath of fresh air.  My car is coming along. There are other conservatives. There is an alternative to Jalopnik in the car world.  And we can be men.  Men. Cancel the pedicure.  Go work on your car.  This summer, feel that adrenaline pulse through your veins while you push your machine dangerously hard.  And then, while you sit around the back yard b.s.ing with your friends about it, realize you are not alone in the world.  We are with you.  I am with you.  I’d have a beer and cigar with you and enjoy it.  Jalopnik would call you a hater and spray paint “love” on the side of my truck and break out the windows while they march through Portland.  Forget Jalopnik. Embrace Drive Tribe, till something better comes along.  Because I have a sneaking suspicion Clarkson and crew are only a little less liberal, being British, but hey, at least we finally have a car blog option that didn’t rise from the stench of Gawker.

The M3 Broke 100 M.P.H. in the 1/4 Mile but I'm Still Boring


June 26th.  That's the last time I wrote a car blog.  Why?  I've been writing blogs for over 10 years and I've learned that you should write when the muse hits you strong and you're feeling humorous.  Sometimes a glass of wine helps.  The best blogs write themselves.  But that's not why I'm writing tonight. I'm writing tonight because I can.  I'm away on business, which means I can't do anything else productive.  So I have two options, go wander around Seattle at 10 P.M. until I get robbed, or update the car blog.  So.. come on muse, hit me... please. Nothing. Is there wine around here?

First, an update.  In June I told you the BMW was frustratingly close to hitting 100 m.p.h. at the Woodburn drag strip (99 m.p.h. multiple times).   Well, I got the opportunity to try again.  Inexplicably, on a Friday night date, my wife and I found ourselves "driving past" the dragstrip and I begged Kellie to let me make a few runs and she (suspiciously) agreed.

I wanted to lower the weight of the car to gain that needed one mile-per-hour, so I took out the rear seat, spare-tire, stroller(s), stuffed animals, blankets, beach toys, etc.  My lightening attempts didn't work, and I couldn't hit 100 m.p.h.  So for the last run Kellie, who'd been watching from the stands, joined me. We put the seat, tire, jackets, stroller(s), etc back in and went out for one last launch down the track.

And we hit 100.  Apparently the M3 needed some weight holding the rear tires down?   Baffling.


I received a NHRA 100 mile-per-hour club sticker.  I'm proud of it.  How many other M3 owners have those? Probably not many, they're too busy cutting you off in traffic.  I was cut off today on the way to Seattle, by my car's twin.  I felt a little self-deprecation with my anger.  It was good though, it turns out self-deprecation and anger are the perfect emotions for Seattle and are the summary every Nirvana grunge song on the radio here.

Not long after the drag race I took my father out to the Portland Historic Races.  I had one of those light-bulb moments as we walked around.  I was about to say, "You don't have anything like this in your (small town in the middle of nowhere), do you?", when I realized five miles from his house in every direction are a BAZILLION miles of dual sport trails and he has about 10 running dual-sport motorcycles in his harem, not to mention 20 that may run someday.  My dad's freedom to have fun with a motorized machine blows my opportunities out-of-the-water.  Yay, once a year I can watch old rich dudes drive their expensive cars carefully around a race track.

I think the local vineyard owners should take their fences down so I can ride my dual sport nearby.  Britain has something called "the right to roam".  As a fenced in yuppieite I'd like to know more about this.

This summer my buddy Andrew put an LS motor in his land cruiser.  I helped guide it in.  Really, that's the coolest car thing I've done in the last 3 months.  The truck is awesome now.


Now, how about an update on my Lotus project?

Ok, I hate calling it a Lotus because I'm like one of those guys that builds a Fiero with a Lamborghini bodykit and calls it a Lambo.  Its a Fiero!  But my problem is, I didn't start with a Fiero, I started with... nothing... a pile of metal sticks.  I don't think I like what it could be called, being a British design.  In my politically correct grade school days they preached that a faggot wasn't a homosexual, it was a British pile of sticks.  Fine, apparently there's a faggot beside my house.

But British car people are cool.  Aside from watching the rich dudes at the Goodwood Revival truly race their pretty cars hard (and smash them), I met this British gentleman, rallying across the U.S., cleaning his car in front of Starbucks in downtown Portland because... why not?


The frame for my Lotus/Carish Thing is pretty well finished.  I know I'm going to have to re-weld shock mounts, the steering column frame, etc. but at least I can move on and deal with those as fitment issues.

Before and After

Right now I'm re-building and welding the front end. The Ford Mustang II front-end is awesome because parts are cheap!  I bought the hub/rotors for $30, with the Chevy bolt pattern that fits my spare M3 wheels!  They did cheap out on the wheel studs though.  When I placed a M3 wheel up to the hub, the wheel studs stuck out only a 1/4 inch, not enough for lug nuts.  And of course they were a size of stud that doesn't come in longer lengths, so now I'm tapping out the hubs for larger 3" studs I found on clearance at Summit.

Why I'm Re-Welding A Arms

Yes, I know that last paragraph was incredibly boring.  I'm bored too.  Considering deletion.

See, this is why the writing muse hasn't hit me.  Building cars around the frame is BORING.  I'm even bored when I'm doing it.  My friends think I like to work on cars.  I don't.  I just want to drive a fake Lotus Seven and I can't afford one that's finished.  So here I am.

One last note on building the Lotus, I somehow managed to match the 400 holes (not exaggerating) on the bottom of the frame to my new steel floorboards for riveting. Don't ask how, it's beyond boring and it took me two days.  But I did it, and I feel some sense of accomplishment.


Oh, and I found an older picture of my own Lotus/Car Type Thing when browsing Google Images for Lotus Sevens.  Turns out my car was a featured car on barnfinds.com when someone sold it in 2015. It was still ugly in 2015.


Argh, Mark Knopfler automotive lyrics just played on my radio and they blow away anything my mind can produce tonight.  I'll leave you with something well-written (and with British words again).  It's the least I can do after writing this blog.  Music and lyrics to Border Reiver by Mark Knopfler -




Southern bound from Glasgow town
She's shining in the sun
My Scotstoun lassie on a border run
We're whistling down the hillsides and tearing up the climbs
I'm just a thiever stealing time in the Border Reiver

A hundred thousand on the clock and plenty more to go
Crash box and lever - she needs the heel and toe
She's not too cold in winter but she cooks me in the heat
I'm a six-foot driver but you can adjust the seat in the Border Reiver

"Sure as the Sunrise"
That's what they say about the Albion
"Sure as the Sunrise", that's what they say about the Albion
And she's an Albion
She's an Albion

The Ministry don't worry me my paperwork's alright
They can't touch me
I got my sleep last night
It's knocking out a living wage in 1969
I'm just a thiever stealing time in the Border Reiver



The Lotus 7 Wannabe... or Peter Egan & Darrell Rock

The Lotus 7 Wannabe


I'm back fully engaged in the classic car world!  I picked up a (sort of) Lotus Seven for $400.  But this isn't just a story of my latest case of consumerism, it's also an excursion into the writings of a poser writer, the redemption of Craigslist, and a hope for the future of car culture (named Darrell).

A $400 dollar Lotus 7?  What, did I buy a wheel?

Well, it's not a Lotus 7, it's a Nothing.  Seriously, someone made it completely from scratch.  From what I can tell it has a (terribly) welded space frame, Mustang II spindles, a MGB rear end and some MGB wheels (only two).

Sounds terrible right? 

But its awesome! For some reason I can't look at it without thinking how much I like it. And I mean "like" as in visions of keeping it until the day I die and willing it to my favorite child. Of course this may change after I start working on it but right now I think it's the essential 1950s sports car; there is nothing but the bare essentials of fun and it looks like it will be a complete blast to drive.


The story of how I ended up with it is a little odd.  I was shadowing a trainee at work.  We work 12 hour shifts monitoring a system and I can say that not every moment is engaging, especially when your role is to look over someone else's shoulder.  During one of those slow moments I was perusing the search term "project" on Craigslist's autos pages (if you haven't used that search term I'd highly recommend it; it's fun to peruse other people's failed projects and consider if you'd pick up the torch).

Suddenly a fairly complete looking Lotus 7 popped up for $600.  The ad said that the owner was moving "today" and didn't want to drag it with him.

I'd never even seen a project Lotus 7 pop-up on Craigslist before ("project" being a common search term for me) and I couldn't believe the price.  I called, called and then called again.  Finally someone answered on the other end sounding somewhat exasperated.  The Lotus was still available and not far from my work.  I begged my boss for a couple hours off, grabbed some cash and headed to the warehouse it was stored in.

Pulling up I saw a Series 2 Land Rover and Ferrari GTO 250 (Datsun 240z body kit) on trailers.  This instantly raised my spirits,  There was hope the ad wasn't a total lie designed to lure me to the scene of my murder, which I'd pay $600 for.


I found the owner cleaning out his warehouse just as the ad claimed.  He told me he was moving to a different warehouse and didn't want to move the Lotus because it didn't roll.  A number of BMW 2002's, Honda CB750s, a homogolation special Mercedes, etc littered the shop still.

The Lotus in the ad had looked wonderfully complete.  In truth it was highly mocked, with Nissan wheels leaning against the rear end and loose fenders placed carefully on tops of tires,  but there was a lot of car there.  I offered $400, asking to leave the Nissan wheels, and he agreed.  Basically I wound up with a frame, nose cone, front end, aluminum body pieces, fenders, rear axle housing, and windshield mounts for $400.  This redeems my terrible Canada trip (read about it here); you can find good deals on Craigslist!


I had no idea how to get the Lotus/Nothing home. Before seeing it in person I was thinking it was go-kart size and I'd just throw it in my Ford Ranger bed.  Well, a Lotus 7 (at least this one) is about ten feet long and still weighs in at several hundred pounds (at least) without a motor and tranny.  I called Uhaul and Hertz but they don't rent flatbeds and their car trailer's tracks were too wide for the narrow wheelbase of the Lotus.

My buddy Andrew came through.  He called someone named Darrell, who came down from Washington at rush hour in pouring rain, to load my car onto a flatbed trailer and drag it an hour into the Oregon countryside.  I still don't really have any idea who Darrell was, but I think of him as some sort of almost priest-like character, the embodiment of a potentially achievable brotherhood of classic car nuts (not just narcissistic buttheads working on cars by themselves in their garages).  I gave Darrell $100 bucks I had in my wallet and asked Andrew if I should get him more later.  Andrew said Darrell just likes to help people.  Thanks Darrell, you're the man.

Once the car was tucked away in the side yard I remembered that Peter Egan had wrote many articles on his Lotus 7 project.  I broke out Egan's Side Glances and was reminded why I started writing.  I realized that I could still remember Egan quotes years after reading them.  Here's a memorable one regarding the car I'd just purchased that I'd been thinking of when I bought the car - "Colin Chapman built the frame and then started removing tubes, one at a time, until the frame collapsed under its own weight.  Then he put one tube back in."


And that's when I realized, with my failed books (buy on Amazon here), slightly humorous blogs, ownership of random British cars, etc., that I'm simply a poser Peter Egan.  If you've read until here you're either family or bored.  You can stop.  Just go pick up Side Glances and you'll read everything you were hoping to find there.  It's hard to explain, but I have the humility to admit I haven't achieved Egan's skills at sharing enjoyable classic car stories.  Can those skills be developed, or is it God given talent?  I don't know but I'm hoping for the 1st.  Time shall tell.

On a more positive note my buddy Andrew is stoked about the Lotus 7 as well, and he'd like to be involved.  It'd be fun to work on something with someone.  Get beers, barely pause for food. Really get stuff done. Work long days with good jams on slamming this thing back onto the road (if it ever was).  A picture of redneck efficiency.  Then I remember we have wives, kids, families, different job schedules, and we live 45 minutes apart; these are the stark realities of adult life.  Even as I write this one of the kids just started crying in the next room for no apparent reason. Sigh. Today was supposed to be my day to work on the Lotus but it's 12:30 and my wife's still not home from her 9:40 appointment.  The reality I'm expecting is getting a full day to work on this thing about once every two months, if I'm lucky.


You know what though?

I've resigned myself to being ok if this project takes years. I'd love it to be ready sooner but  I have a sports car (BMW M3 that understeers like a tank I found out at this weekend's autocross), and I have no pressing need for the Lotus.


Plus, the Lotus will be a non-poser opportunity to wear leather goggles; how often can you do that? And I get to wear logo shirts again!  There was no way I'd wear a BMW shirt, but I'm totally cool with a classic green and yellow Lotus logo.  Wait.. mine isn't a Lotus.  So that DOES make me a poser again.

I really dig the Lotus 7/Nothing.  From the nothing-but-sportscar concept to the cigar body/motorcycle fender look I think it's a strange sort of awesome.  And if I ever get to drive it on a trackday (even if its years from now), I'll be a very happy camper.  Being able to watch your tire as you try to hit the apex has got to be just awesome.  

Signed, 
Isaiah the Peter Egan Lotus Seven Poser